Nobody knew where I was. Just alone, in that messy and filthy room of mine. No air to circulate. Everything was as still as water. Not a single movement. The room was completely filled with darkness. Not a single ray of light to pass by. So much of pain was being experienced. Occupying that corner of the room there I was, sitting, all cuddled by myself. My legs folded touching my chest and my hands embracing my legs as tight as they could.
Completely wet with tears. Sweat was running down my forehead. My long hair was open and covered my face completely. Crying out in despair for the broken heart, which had no cure.
How clearly I could hear my breathing! I was breathing so heavily since I was so tired. My heart was beating faster and faster. Tears were running down my eyes and tickling down my cheeks. I clutched my dress as tight as I could; I had full intentions of tearing and pulling them off. Mind was so depressed. My head was paining with immense of frustration.
I broke that still silence by giving out a loud yell. There was no one to respond me back. There was no one to come running towards me and give tight hug. There was no one to calm me down. There was no one to support me. That’s where I live. I live with no one but with myself. I live my life with my SOLITUDE.
Again there was complete silence, sniffing and crying. I felt something on my ankle. Something was tickling me. I touched my ankle but couldn’t feel anything. Again I felt the wetness. Felt as if something was licking my leg. Out of curiosity, I raised my head to see what it was.
I saw some small creature. It was very much contrast to me. She was so small and white.
She was so tiny and furry. She was simply so very adorable. She was small cat. I don’t know where she came from. One glance at her and it melt my heart away. I nearly forgot what was happening. I took her gently in my hands and held her close to my face. I stared back at her and she stared back at me. it seemed as if she was smiling at me. I hugged her and her touch made me realize a very special person to me. Her touch was equivalent to that of someone very close.
I got up and took her to the next room. I took care of her- I gave her milk, comfort, love and care. What was so special about her? After all she was just a cat. How could she revive me back? How could she bring me out of depression? How could she bring back that same love and affection to my life, which I had lost it somewhere few days back?
I asked these questions several times to myself but I didn’t get any answers for them. Whenever I looked at her it made me remind of few beautiful memories of the past. I got comfort and peace that night. I slept peacefully with calmness and even without sleeping pills.
I slept for long hours that day. I got up in the morning and my eyes only wanted to see her. My wandering eyes did not relax till I found her sleeping next to my feet. I was in such a worry when I didn’t see her. She was sleeping so peacefully. I took her in my arms and cuddled her. She gradually opened her eyes and started licking my face. I gave her kiss and let her free. She stretched out lazily and ran towards the kitchen.
I fed her with milk and biscuits and I helped my self with some coffee. Later on I got ready and we left house to head towards supermarket. I had nice time with her and each moment made me remind of someone so very special to me. After many days I felt that happiness which I had lost it somewhere in the past. It felt as if I had forgotten to smile. She was a reason for me to smile.
It was evening when we were on our way back home. We were on one side of road and house was on the other side. I was holding her in one hand while the bags were in the other hand. Suddenly, she just bit me and ran out of my hands towards the other side of road. And then some pictures of my past flashed into my mind…
The situation was same…but time was different. The place was same ……..but people were different. The feelings were same…..but experience was different. How vividly I remember when my daughter left my hand and ran towards the house she never returned back! She was crushed under a loaded- truck. This all happened before my eyes. How hard it was for me to accept the death of my very own daughter! The only person whom I loved so UNCONDITIONALLY left me with nothing but only in isolation. That day was the most unforgettable day of my life.
That cat was none other than the resemblance of my daughter. Just to fill in that empty phase of my life with few colors for some time. Each and every moment with her made me remind of my one and only one daughter. She was one and last sign of my beloved love. And……
And that was the end. No one comes back after they are gone. You are only left with their memories-sometimes good and sometimes bad. That’s how life treats us without any mercy …leaves us in hands of destiny and there we go on without any ending and meaning to our life.
Again I was left where I was. From the beginning…
